60 IS THE NEW 60

 

 

 

60 IS THE NEW 60

 

 

There are many 'positives' to retirement and I'd be the first one up off the chair to list some but, alas, one great 'fuck' also exists. The 'fuck' is that you are 'old'. Now to be more precise, becoming old is not so much a function of being retired but, rather, it's one of being in your sixties.......and that's a real bummer on a number of levels.

Unlike the forties and fifties, punters who inhabit their seventh decade on the firmament ALL look like they've been there for that time period. It's true for the men and it's true for the women. I do remember some (not many) people in the forties and fifties who didn't look their age but that automatically ceases in the sixties age bracket. The generalisation that 'looks' lock in with 'age' becomes iron-clad.

 

Pot bellies, white beards, tuck-shop lady upper arms, bulges (both apparent and latent), lines across the mug, no hair on top, lots of hair in orifices and sagging sexual bits all attest to the influences of gravity, isostasy, plate tectonics and plain, fuckin' old age.

 

Antagonists, of course, will point to 'vets' from previous generations and how 'old' they looked compared to today's sexy sixty set but, as you'd expect, this is a defence mechanism for seniors in denial and a sure-fire indicator that they're into the bell lap on the ghost train and, crucially, they 'look' like they should be there.

 

Even more terrifying than the high correlation between age and appearance is the potential for us sixties people to commence 'acting' old. I have to admit that up to today, I have resisted the temptations to join a men's shed, become a member of a line-dancing group or shout at the television. However I must disclose that over recent weeks, the prospect of hitting the local rissole to experience the monthly 'all-you-can-eat' bistro offer has led to increasing impure reactions in my nether regions.

 

But it is cool to share these new worlds with all my sixty and over friends. We may look 'old' but, heck, we...............hang on! We are old.